“Security footage shows several ne’er-do-wells in domino masks fleeing the scene with a number of burlap sacks, clearly-marked with bright green dollar signs, no doubt containing the compromised data. AT&T security suggests the culprits must have ‘jimmied open’ their servers with a crowbar, or perhaps a bundle of dynamite detonated via plunger from a safe distance. One suspect is currently in police custody after attempting to escape through a tunnel painted on the side of a brick wall. More on this story as it develops.”

“Djinn”, specifically, being the correct word choice. We’re way past fun-loving blue cartoon Robin Williams genies granting wishes, doing impressions of Jack Nicholson and getting into madcap hijinks. We’re back into fuckin’… shapeshifting cobras woven of fire and dust by the archdevil Iblis, hiding in caves and slithering out into the desert at night to tempt mortal men to sin. That mythologically-accurate shit.