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There are a few phones that still do a headphone jack and expandable storage but they definitely aren’t the big flagship brands if that’s what you are looking for.
Heck, Moondrop a predominantly audio gear manufacturer, just launched a phone specifically for audiophiles and it has a 3.5mm/4.4mm headphone jack combo. I don’t think its quite as modern in the other aspects but hey, it has the unicorn features we don’t see nearly as often!
Is there any rules against living in your office rental? In my mind, there’s always furniture to some degree in an office that can be slept on. You could probably get a shower and a change room installed. Most usually have a crude kitchen of sorts.
Unless someone comes in after hours and sees you snoozing, I think it’d be easy to keep up appearances.